The blog of the wandering douche

For recognition of the inhumane, thoughtless, greedy, and the negligent. And douchebags.

Posts Tagged ‘freedom of stupidity

So this is what a google alert for “douche” turned up –

leave a comment » The URL speaks for itself. I had a really weird feeling coming across this, as if I’d been walking down the street and bumped into Richard Nixon or something, and had a “holy shit – you ARE real!” moment. I mean, man – you hear about people this narrow-minded, but you never expect to actually bump into a real one yourself in the course of sane browsing. And I’ve been to 4chan man, I have seen things. Trolls couldn’t do anything to up the magnitude of the douchery here.


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May 30, 2011 at 8:08 pm

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Dana Rohrabacher is a pernicious asshat

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With logic this harmful I’m not sure I want to even bother taking the time to learn how to pronounce this assholes name properly. I’m glad I only have to type it…man, think of what his wife goes through – she has to pronounce it and sleep with the bastard.

Ok, so a cliff notes version? Cut down all the trees, because they contribute to greenhouse gas emissions. This is because during part of the diurnal photosynthetic cycle, trees emit CO2. This is interesting because human beings also emit CO2 when we exhale, so if he’s putting this forward as a solution then we may need to think about killing everyone. You guys in?

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May 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

The ghost of racism past is still alive in Rick

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Every kiwi’s secret news fix,, posted a federated article on a whale that washed up on the Wairarapa coast. Some comments were posted, and as per usual, that’s where the more meaty reveal took place. Before I proceed, I should make clear that the most reprehensible racist I knew happened to be named Rick, and Rick came from the rural part of the country just north of Wellington – the Manawatu/Wairarapa area. Anyways, I was reminded of precisely him today when the article above was posted, and promptly commented on, by a racist douche named Rick. I find the comment interesting because it articulates the profound ignorance of the racist NZ honky, the person for whom the biggest issue on earth is those “bloody maoris” and the “dole bludgers”. Rick represents all of those pakeha too stupid to bother to actually learn what the Treaty of Waitangi means, who just want the maori to roll over and take the cultural genocide they suffered at the hands of the colonial government of the 19th century. Take a bow, Rick the douche.

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May 11, 2011 at 8:50 am

A response to the NZ Internet Copyright Infringement bill

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So I was just sitting here eating my baked beans, reading the morning news, when a thunderbolt struck in the form of a tangental link between my choice of 2am listening material and this mornings federated news. Let’s start firstly with the 2am listening material in question, and make it the backdrop to the news I was reading.

The thunderbolt was Mark E Smith’s appropriation of Hunter S Thompson’s observation that “when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro”. What a fucking revelation. With that in mind I thought of a civic response to the bill –

I hereby assert copyright over everything that I produce that is unique to me – this includes such items as my email address, my image, hell, why not my DNA? In the event that anybody abuses this copyrighted information (for example, to email me an infringement notice) I will assert my copyright and request that their offensive and improper use of that material cease. People who use this material in a reasonable way (reasonable being where no-one fucks up my shit) can do whatever they want.

So I say that if this mechanism has been created and applies to New Zealanders to give copyright holders protection from copyright abusers, then clearly we all need to become copyright holders so that the abuse of copyright cannot proceed. Simple.

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April 24, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Zombie spawn II

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And so parliament passed the zombie digital copyright bill under urgency.

Possibly the best aspect of this blog for me personally is being able to spew forth with the most florid vitriol I can be fucked conceiving of at the random moments I get the urge to post. I don’t have that kind of bile in me tonight, somehow this is above that because of the immediacy and closeness of the fundamental shift that has occurred.

In the shadow of this deceitful resolution, I am not possessed of my customary grace. I assure you that normal service will resume soon.

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April 15, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Zombie spawn of ACTA undead in NZ

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See this handsome back square? This is your brain on New Zealand internet. Oh, no, sorry – I totally got that wrong; It’s what your internet access will look like if you have a copyright infringement lodged against you under the govt’s new copyright amendment bill. No, sorry, it’s the bright glow of synapses firing like a universe of creative fireworks in the mind of MP Simon Power during the intense period of thought and reflection that went into the crafting of this new piece of legislation.

Actually, I am full of shit. Power is a douche in the sway of the big-business interests (full of lobby dollars, using the US political system as their proxy to lean on other countries) that make insipid mainstream cinema, music, and television. In short, to stop people from exchanging copyrighted information that is important to them, NZ is going to take away their right to access the internet, instead of redefining how copyright applies in a medium that was designed for bit-perfect reproduction.

This is pathetic blind kotowing of the highest order. Bring on the Blackout.

This post bought to you by the excellence that is

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April 13, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Music Douche, not many of those but here’s one…

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Sometimes I’m irrational, which I think is fine, because my irrationality is deeply heartfelt. Case in point – Ke$ha’s  track “we are who we are”, which rhetorically answers that timeless question; “Who’s a vacuous douche?”

At first I couldn’t work out why I heard maybe just three lines and then thought: “I don’t like this that much” but then I listened deeper, longer. And I thought “Possibly, Ke$ha, you are the apotheosis of lame”. But I’m torn between lame and awesome, because when something is so shit, the rebel in me is obligated to like it, and I do, and it is awesome. It’s less clear when lame corporate songbirds compete with each other, but when one dominates mindshare over the others, only temporarily as they do, and lifts his/her head over the parapet, he/she/it deserves what it gets.

Ke$ha deserves it on the basis that the song reprises the meeting-room of fourty-somethings it was written in, a sterile, boring space, filled with sterile, boring people, making a wage imagining what the youth of today (the “forever young” in the parlance of Ke$ha) want to hear so much so that the people who can most easily be parted with money (vacuous idiots, who generally deserve what they get, to be fair) will do so in its presence.

The song says “tonight we’re going hard”. Well, fair call. Who can deny a little going hard? “Just like the world is ours…” Well, presume what you want, can’t say I’m not guilty of this… “We’re tearing it apart…” Uhhhh…hang on…how? By buying apple products, costume jewellery, and clothes? By trading on sexual stereotypes pouting on video to sell more of your product? “You know we’re superstars…” Ok, 31 million youtube hits is 3o,999,999 more than this blog ever had, to be fair. “We are who we are…” Dickbags, clearly, who value temporally good looks and like going shopping, who like the idea of slogans, and who like poses as long as they get to choose which picture gets used.

But then, just to bite me in the ass, she says: “DJ, turn it up” – christ, I’m shaken by that exhortation. No DJ, don’t – you’ll threaten my establishment easy-chair. “It’s about damn time to live it up” (I wonder if she warned her mum before the song came out, and said “Mum, I’m going to say the d-word in this song I’ve got coming out, I’m going to say “Damn”!” – her mum said “Criminy! You’d best put a jesus necklace reference there or your father and I will be praying for your soul this thursday.”). Then, “I’m so sick of being so serious, It’s making my brain delirious” – I have this mental image of Barry, the divorced 52-year old at Sony/RCA who’s banging the overweight 32-year old temp working for him, and feeling like the pure distillation of youthful energy that he’s not, thinking of that line and yelling at the lyrics workgroup “SERIOUS/DELIRIOUS – AWESOME EH? IT’S EDGY, AND HITS THAT RHYMEY DEMOGRAPH….FUCK I AM HOT!” /Hi fives his colleague Rod.

Fucking hell, I hate this song. But also, I love it so…it’s vacuousness makes it a sick little zombie of a song, a warthog of unlovability – zeitgeist flash-in-the-pan seppuku of the creative soul. Still, she is young, a hackneyed cliche pandering to a 20-something market, apathy with a credit card, tequila, and fuck-me-boots. And possibly, therefore, an immortal archetype.

I like this kid instead. He does not suck.

Written by thewanderingdouche

December 15, 2010 at 10:37 am