The blog of the wandering douche

For recognition of the inhumane, thoughtless, greedy, and the negligent. And douchebags.

Technology douche

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So here I am, quietly on the couch, browsing away on a shiny new iPad like the skivvy wearing iDouche I never wanted to be, and I suddenly realize what a dick scene the iPad is.
I knew some of this in advance, like the fact that it doesn’t really multitask. At all. I knew that it was locked down tighter than the vaults in Geneva full of Nazi gold. I knew that it meant installing iTunes on a machine somewhere, which iThink sucks.
Despite all of those red flags, somehow I ended up with one, and now that I use it, I realize that I hate its shiny little arse. It is trying very hard to force me to operate how it wants me to…all I want to do is have a YouTube window open in my browser playing Sunn O)))) whilst I do something else. Namely, playing another Sunn O)))) track at the same time in another browser window. Why? Because I’m curious to hear the result and it’s reasonable to expect to be able to do so. Why the fuck not?
Stupid iPad. This douche nomination is shared between me (for getting the useless, sexy, well built little shit box) and the iPad itself, for all the reasons above multiplied by the increasingly Orwellian dickness of Apple.

Also, for extra lulz, I should point out that I was unable to ram my iJokes down your throat at this point in the post – I wanted to start this sentence originally with “iHate iT”, or some variation, but the iPad refused, REFUSED, to allow me to start a sentence with a lower-case letter. “I can not be associated with puns so unfunny” it mocked, “You are actually not cool enough to use me.” So then I broke out my faithful laptop to type this, while the iPad sneers at me from the corner of the room for being such an uncouth dingus.

iLulz?

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Written by thewanderingdouche

November 8, 2010 at 8:01 am

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